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And now, for the granddaddy of them all…for the grand finale…<\/p>\n
I’m going to do the best I can to give you a visual of how this “went down.”\u00a0 It’s hard to type it with the same expression and visuals , but I’ll do my best to give you the full effect!\u00a0 Here goes!<\/p>\n
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Every time we go into a public restroom, I am CONSTANTLY saying, “Please don’t touch anything.”\u00a0 This child of mine, she loves bathrooms.\u00a0 Lilly Katherine thinks the “flusher is so cute” and the “little trashcan by the potty is so cute” and the “little door lock-er is so cute.”\u00a0 She has a very <\/em>hard time not touching these things.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n Well, we were at a birthday party for my nephew, Garrett, at Putt-Putt.\u00a0 Our local Putt-Putt was celebrating their 50th anniversary, and I can promise you that not ONE THING has changed in 50 years…or at least for the last 25 years!\u00a0 Anyone that lives here can attest to that.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n In the middle of the party, Lilly Katherine had to go to the bathroom, of course.\u00a0 I wanted to make her hold it, just because I LOATHE public restrooms, but the outcome of that decision would not be favorable…nor was the outcome of this one.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n We went into the “one-hole” restroom.\u00a0 I repeated my mantra of “Do not touch anything!”\u00a0 Then I put toilet paper on both sides of the horse-shoe shaped seat, like any good germ-a-phobe would do, and I sat my sweet little girl on that nasty, old potty.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n Now, this may be too much information, but I have to give you the visual.\u00a0 My baby is little and has to hold onto something so she won’t fall in.\u00a0 What I do is pick her up, put her on the potty, then I stay right where I am and let her hold on to my legs.\u00a0 That way she has support and can hold on to me instead of the toilet bowl to keep from falling in.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n Well, sometimes (as she did this time) she bends over and pushes her head down by my legs to see how things are going in the potty.\u00a0 I was asking her questions, when all of the sudden I realized her answers were sounding muffled.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n After a split second of pondering that, I screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?\u00a0 IS YOUR MOUTH ON THAT POTTY?!?!<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n To which she screamed back in confusion and fear, “I NOT TOUCHIN ANYTING!!!”<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n I (not really wanting to know the answer) asked back in HORROR, “I know, but were you LICKING THE TOILET?”<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n An innocent, “Yes, ma’am”<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n My sweet baby girl was LICKING what I would like to refer to as “The pee catcher”…you know, that space between the two sides of the seat.\u00a0 That little gap.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n HER TONGUE WAS ON IT!<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n IT WAS SALTY!<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n SHE WAS LICKING THE TOILET SEAT OF A NASTY, OLD PUTT-PUTT BATHROOM!\u00a0 Who cares where it was, Wal-Mart or my own house, SHE WAS LICKING OTHER PEOPLE’S NASTY, NASTY URINE!<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n I ripped that child from the toilet and ran to the sink.\u00a0 I started scraping her tongue, hoping and praying I had misunderstood what she was really doing.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n I asked for clarification.\u00a0 I had not <\/em>misunderstood.\u00a0 She really was LICKING THE TOILET…but in her defense, she was indeed NOT touching anything!<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n As little miss carefree skipped back to the birthday party, I walked back MORTIFIED trying not to throw up!\u00a0 It makes me gag just thinking about it.\u00a0 My sister-in-law, who is not at all a germ-a-phobe almost died when I told her.\u00a0 Her response was, “Well, if she breaks out in purple spots, at least we’ll know why.”\u00a0 Purple spots were the least of my concern.<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n Now, when we enter public restrooms, my mantra is, “Remember, don’t touch anything, and PLEASE DON’T LICK ANYTHING!”<\/p>\n .<\/p>\n The only good thing about this horrible moment in time is that I will make all her dates read this post before they take her out.\u00a0 What boy in his right mind would want to kiss a real “potty mouth?” :)<\/p>\n
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